The Lie: Yup, Santa came. There are lots of presents under the tree.
The Truth: There are no presents under the tree. Michelle doesn’t drop the kids off until the 27th, so I don’t need to buy their gifts until tomorrow, which means that I can take advantage of the post-Christmas sales and get their stuff on the cheap. In addition, when they called me to wish me a merry Christmas, I got a full report of not only what gifts Michelle and her family gave them but which of those gifts were hits, thus allowing me to tailor my buying to desirable and/or overlooked areas. My presents will not only be cheaper, they’ll be more enthusiastically received. Being divorced on Christmas is terrific… every dad should try it at least once.
As to whether or not Santa came, he may have – somebody drank that half bottle of Scotch I left out for him last night. (It may very well have been me. The bars were more lively than I’d expected on a Christmas Eve, and I don’t recall the details of my trip home, or its aftermath.)
A half bottle of Scotch? No wonder Santa’s been skimping at our house. He’s saving all the good stuff for the good stuff at the end! Merry X’mas Bro. The black out is on YouTube somewhere, I’m sure.