The Lie: We could go see a movie, or we could play mini-golf. Either one sounds good.

The Truth: Neither one sounds good, as neither one involves me going to the bar and watching the final game of the Sox/Yankees series. Sometimes I think Michelle deliberately schedules my days with the kids to conflict with crucial sporting events. That’s probably flawed thinking, though, since it rests on the assumption that she remembers which sports teams I like, which she proved entirely unable to do during seven years of marriage.

I’ve tried watching the game at home with the kids, but it’s always a total debacle. Olivia insists that we switch to Nickelodeon during the commercials and becomes indignant when I attempt to switch back if it’s an episode of iCarly she hasn’t seen before. Troy, meanwhile, often seems interested in what’s going on, but he suffers from a total incomprehension of strategy or of important statistical milestones. It’s like watching hockey with an Italian guy or something. Very unsatisfying.