The Lie: No, it would not be “funny” if you cut your sister’s hair while she slept.

The Truth: It would be hilarious – perhaps even more hilarious than the time he scribbled on her face with marker while she slept. My son seems to naturally possess all of the proclivities necessary to participate in the Greek system.

As for Olivia, she’ll apparently sleep through anything – a trait which will cause me no shortage of unease if she ever decides to participate in the Greek system. (Or go to college at all. Or leave my house, ever.)