The Lie: Sure, we can go on a whale watch again next year.

The Truth: They can go on a whale watch again next year, which they themselves can pay for, but this was the last time I’ll ever be tricked into coughing up 115 bucks for a nauseating three-hour bob through freezing, drizzly weather just to catch a few sideways glimpses of what may or may not have been a flipper or a dorsal fin. What a scam. I could’ve taken us to the aquarium for a third of the price, in which case we would’ve not only viewed some actual marine life, but stayed dry while doing it. (Also, there would’ve been a decent chance that Troy wouldn’t have thrown up on Olivia’s shoes. No guarantee, of course, but a perfectly reasonable chance.)