The Lie: Um… yes, it’s about lambs.

The Truth: It’s about an incarcerated cannibal psychiatrist helping an opportunistic FBI trainee track down a psychopathic transsexual who emaciates and skins overweight women. However, given that any accurate plot summary would contain no less than nine concepts that would each take hours to explain to my children, all they need to know is that it’s a grown-up movie and that they’re not allowed to watch it. Maybe when they’re older. (Thirty-five feels about right.)