The Lie: It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.

The Truth: It’s completely whether you win or lose. There’s no ticker at the bottom of ESPN that says how someone played the game. It’s only scores – and the occasional steroid report. As long as you’re not taking steroids, which my children aren’t allowed to do yet, then no one cares how you play the game.

Unfortunately, my kids probably have more losing than winning in their futures, because they both play just about every game pretty horribly. Olivia enjoys gymnastics, which baffles me, as she has terrible balance and lacks even the most basic eye-hand coordination. (I know it’s going to end in tragedy. If my cell phone ever rings while she’s at practice, I assume I’m being summoned to the emergency room.) As for Troy, he’s completely hopeless at almost everything involving the use of his arms or legs. Michelle wants to sign him up for Pee-Wee baseball next spring, which I think would be the rough equivalent of entering Olivia’s pet guinea pig in the Kentucky Derby.